NEW! DO 1 BOLD THING™ LIVE STREAMING SHOW

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NEW! LIVE SHOW!! JOIN ME TODAY on Gravy.Live!

UPDATE – MARCH 2018:  Aha! My fabulous Live Show may soon become “formerly fabulous”. Just learned Gravy Live has changed their platform, re-launching as a Shopping Gaming Show iPhone app. Umm… you thinking what I’m thinking? Yep, no longer may be a fit. GREAT team at Gravy tho, and it was all SUPER FUN while it lasted! Stay tuned for new posts, what’s NEW at WOMEN WHO DO 1 BOLD THING!

Introducing… Ann Ulrich as FOUNDING LIVE SHOW HOST at GRAVY LIVE!

SO EXCITED TO INSPIRE & CHAMPION YOUR BEST!

As You Create Your Own Success & Happiness…

Leading & Living The Life You Crave.

In My Weekly Show I’ll Bring BOLD Inspiration As Everyday Innovation – Championing Your Personal Development & Professional Success…

Sharing Stories – Inspiring Yours – Fun Guests – Great Giveaways!

LIVE ON THURSDAYS:  1pmET / 12NoonCT / 11amMT / 10amPT

JOIN US LIVE…

Sign Up To Get Notified When The Next Episode Of The DO 1 BOLD THING! Show With Ann Ulrich Goes Live…

Enjoy Previous Episodes… Here:

The DO 1 BOLD Thing Show With Ann Ulrich – Now LIVE On Gravy Live!

“We’ll be taking bold action – big BOLD & baby bold steps – sharing our stories – inspiring others along the way – positively impacting our world! And did I mention a few great giveaways, too?! JOIN US!”  – Ann Ulrich, Host, The #DO1BOLDTHING Show

 

 

 

Now Booking Keynotes for 2018: When you want to bring “The Positive Impact Of Doing 1 BOLD Thing!” to your inspired company, team, professional association or community leadership organization, please visit our website for details. I look forward to hearing from you so we can both learn more!

© 2017 Ann Ulrich, DO 1 BOLD THING™  DO1BOLDTHING.com

I APPRECIATE YOU!

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© 1993-2014  Ann Ulrich,  Subscribe to receive BOLD blog posts at:  AnnUlrich.com

Saying The Unsayable On Leading, Living, Loving Lasting Married Life

photo-41I’m at our cabin on my annual BOLD REV!VAL retreat. Me, myself, and I. Along with a few loons, eagles, critters, cloudy and then sunny breezes, and at least three bears, one stuffed.

Being married 34 years, I have a lot to say on this subject.

 

 

Why now? Because I am willing to say the unsayable when it helps someone get ahead – no longer giving a rat’s asterisk about playing it safe. If you’re reading my writing you are choosing to do so. You can click away. If you’re in a conference, you can step away – altho my clients will tell you in Keynoting their conferences I take great care to understand why I was hired to speak and I respect that responsibility and bring what it takes to thoughtfully inspire your new success! And to my knowledge, over many years, no one has ever walked out of my keynote.

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photo-5What I Know About Leading, Living, Loving & Lasting Marriage:

1.  In this, my 34th year being married to David, I know for a fact that the time comes again when you are/can be as passionately crazy in love as when you first met. 

2.  In order to love your life together, you have to first love yourself, your own life. No one hands this to you. You claim it. Own it. Cherish it as your own vow to yourself. Did I mention you first need to HAVE a life as you?

3.  The whole of your marriage is going to be as strong as your two pillars, each representing each of you. Marriages of one pillar, with one counting on the other to be your life, risk either tipping over or losing your grip, sinking in unexpected quicksand.

4.  You won’t find happiness in marriage if you can’t find happiness in yourself. Be aware when grass looks greener. Sure, we all make mistakes in our careers, landing work that is not really a right fit, eventually that gets straightened out. Having been fired, I’m pretty sure it’s easier to leave or be fired from not-right-fit work than it is to chase greener grass in marriage and deal with the realities of hurting someone you so deeply loved.

5.  There will be days you can’t stand each other. Just as there are days you can’t stand yourself.

6.  There will be times you are freaked out in fear of *this is my life*? Is this all there is?! Do an honest gut check: are you blaming someone else for your happiness? Owning your part in it? Hmmm. Thought so. How do I know? I’ve been there too.

7.  Keep friends of both sexes. You didn’t come into marriage with your husband/wife as your only friend – why would you stop being friends with others now? I have never enjoyed working with, and being friends with, all women as much as I enjoy working with, and being friends with, both men and women.

8.  If you choose to have kids you will no doubt wake up one day and realize your life has become *kids*. Don’t let it be a surprise when all you talk about any more is kids, their lives, their schedules, their needs, their futures, your friends’ kids… This is all part of your rich tapestry of married life you create together when you choose to have kids. At times, your kids will need to be your utmost top priority. And they deserve to be, and need you to be there for them. Our world needs parents to be there for growing kids, and to do so, our workplaces need to honor and help make work work for young and changing families(!) (We can all help by bringing new solutions, another topic for another day.) Trust this stage is not forever. Altho sometimes we all wish these cherished times could be.

9.  For Moms, remember being scared in the delivery room and then remembering your own Mom and your girlfriends who somehow made it through labor?? You too made it through. And together you’ll make it thru things that seem much tougher than this.

10.  For Dads, remember standing at that recently-assembled crib, now holding your real-life baby, scared to death if you will be able to afford college, much less day care?? You’ll have more financial concerns ahead. Talk it through. You’re not in this alone.

11.  For Couples, remember the first time you saw your husband/wife and what that felt like… and then fast forward to never expecting – never ever expecting a day when the bottom might fall out – for whatever b’gillion reasons bottoms fall out given the realities of everyday life (sheeshta, it’s amazing any of us make it thru!) when it just might suddenly hit you that you are no longer in love?

TWO WORDS OF BOLD ADVICE FOR YOU ON THIS ONE… DON’T STOP THERE. TRUST YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT ON MORE THAN THIS ONE DAY, THIS ONE FEELING, THIS ONE SITUATION, THIS ONE FRUSTRATION, THIS ONE REALITY OF LIFE… TALK IT THROUGH. IF NOT NOW THEN SOON. COMMUNICATE TOGETHER. GO FOR A WALK. BREATHE. AND BY ALL MEANS:  …KEEP GOING!

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Life changes and life keeps changing. Stages come and stages go. I believe in leading, living and loving Life, including Married Life, in Sequenced Stages.

The Sequenced Stages in Married Life look something like this: 

Engagement. / Wedding. / Dating Each Other, Married. / Careers. / Kids. Kids. Kids. / Empty Nest – which I prefer to refer to not as empty or nest – as tho life must be only about kids – rather as: / Dating Each Other Again, Married. / Grandparenting (I have not experienced this stage, and tho I know it is claimed to be magical, I am in no hurry to leave this current stage of Dating Each Other Again, Married as our two recently-married kids enjoy their current exciting stage of Dating Each Other, Married).

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THE BOLD! FACTOR®: YOUR EXCLAMATION POINT *!* MARRIED LIFE

IMG_1621Want To Lead, Live, Love YOUR Lasting Married Life?

!  Know who YOU are. 

!  Continue to grow as an INDIVIDUAL as you TOGETHER keep growing as a couple.

!  Keep something in your life you are PASSIONATE about. My Mom used to say there needs to be one thing in your life that is only yours. It does not involve your spouse or your work or your family or your friends. What could that be for you, that is only YOURS?

!  Encourage and Allow each other to TAKE TIME OFF, alone. You can’t work without breaks and vacations, why should married life be any different? Whether minutes or hours or days or weekends or – as mine has now grown to (in this 50-something stage of life) time claimed to get away and reflect, re-energize, learn something, create something, or do absolutely nothing – work or life. Claim it early on, so together you can find a way that this can work, based on realities of this stage of life, for both of you.

!  TRUST each other. Expect trust and grant trust. Trust is possibly the underlying KEY SECRET to a happy, lasting marriage. There are others, but this is huge. You’ve earned and granted trust in choosing each other. It’s up to you to keep it.

!  Allow your head to go to that at-times unthinkable place. GO AHEAD: Make your grandiose exit plan – at some time or another most of us have! And then stop and look at what you really have in each other. And then self-check whether you are blaming someone else for your own happiness?

Whether exciting, exhilarating, or inexplicably frustrating… this stage too shall pass! And if there is any one message I used all these words to inspire you with, here it is:

Get To The NEXT Stage Together.  And Then The NEXT.  It’s Definitely NOT Easy.  It IS Absolutely Worth It. 

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photo-19As in Self-Leadership, Confidence and Success… as in Business and Life… Leading and Living and Loving Your Lasting Married Life Takes Each of You… individually and together.

Do One BOLD Thing.  Own It Like You Own It.

(You & Both Of You, Together.)

Choosing To Stay Happily Married?  

It’s Up To YOU!

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© 1993-2017  Ann Ulrich   THE BOLD! FACTOR®  AnnUlrich.com

Photos:  1) An evening glimpse of lake at our cabin… one of the places I love to come for reflection and rejuvenation. Mindful that it doesn’t take any special PLACE to do so, it simply takes an attitude and commitment to create the life we want, right where we’re at… which is up to ME. 2) This is what 34 years of marriage looks like. Some days anyway! And our red eyes? Not blaming the camera. We’re owning ’em as earned in happy tears shared on this special day of our son’s wedding ;) 3) My ever-passionate BOLD red *!* logo. 4) Minneapolis Aquatennial Fireworks exploding over the river in front of our condo.

Before You Diss Or Dismiss Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In

IMG_1621Just so you know, I am a huge fan of Sheryl Sandberg.

Drawn in at first by her ground-breaking, high-impact TED talk, I wanted more! I was bummed when Amazon said her book would arrive a week later – what? – tho it arrived in 2 days. I devoured it the next evening and haven’t finished it just yet.

I’m purposely sharing thoughts without having finished her book. Why? While I strongly recommend that we DO read deeper than simply opining based on surface details or popular conversations… I don’t ever want to stop you, or curb your appetite (in fact I want to encourage you!) to practice sharing – start sharing – and keep sharing – your own BOLD point of view.

We learn so much from you and from each other. We need to keep hearing many voices, of various pitches and cadences, to keep growing by being open to experience many points of view. Not just the louder ones. And not just the more comfortable ones.

Regarding the hoopla, controversy and kudos surrounding Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean In, I’ve immersed myself listening and learning from all sides. As owner of The BOLD! Factor and a positive force for self-leadership, confidence and re-igniting success… I’m passionate to discover and share my own BOLD POV in response to what’s being said.

Here’s what I’ve been hearing – and a few thinkabouts to share – as I’d like to challenge status quo thinking:

1) *She is out of touch. Sheryl Sandberg has no clue what my world is like.*

Ah, relatability. So, important isn’t it? In fact, Sheryl would probably relate it to her very real concern that likeability is holding us back.

So she has no clue what your world is like, right? It’s really not about that tho, is it?

She is not trying to present her point of view from an *I Am Everywoman, Everywhere* perspective. In fact, I love the way she continues to say that this is HER experience, not everyone’s, in a very welcoming, humble at times, keep-it-real way. I’ve grown to love this about her. She is not trying to pretend she knows YOUR life. She’s simply reflecting from her own place, what she sees happening in the world of work, and what she intends to do to help positively impact change she sees as needed, in women stepping up to take charge of their own success.

For those who feel she doesn’t know or relate to your life. Of course she doesn’t know your life. Again, she’s not trying to. Do you really know and can you relate to her life as COO of Facebook? I know I sure can’t. And I have no interest to.

2) *She’s successful and her life is what it is because she’s privileged.* 

Privileged?  She sure is!**

Smart? Talented? Gifted? Yes, Yes, and Yes!

Let’s be willing to keep surrounding ourselves with, and learning from, people who are different, smarter, quieter, louder, more global, more local… than us!

She’s letting us know she has a hard time accepting success kudos. She says she still struggles with her own success. And no, she didn’t give a thought to negotiating her own hiring offer Facebook first presented. It was her husband who insisted she does not say Yes to the first offer.

Oh sure, see, she IS privileged – she has a supportive husband! Yes she is and yes she does. And I know, that part about no plan to negotiate her offer surprised me, too!

She addresses what some see as adding/piling on to her Privilege: her powerful statement about choosing the right partner, making your partner your real partner, to go through life with. For me, this is among the most courageous statements she makes. At this stage of my life, looking back from here, I personally and enthusiastically applaud her in speaking that truth, out loud.

She’s NOT saying it’s easy, even in her privileged life. She IS saying it’s important.

**Let’s look at that word: Privileged. We are all, in our own special way, Privileged. When we hold that against someone else, maybe we simply aren’t willing to take a closer look to see what Privilege in our own life looks life.

I got up today. I’m not just living… I’m ALIVE. In this, I am PRIVILEGED. How about you. What does *Privilege* look like for you?

3) *She’s blaming ME for the problems of my company, my organization, my industry.*

Well, no, she’s not exactly blaming you as much as wanting to help with what she calls a need for women to Lean In and keep Leaning In.

I call it BOLD Self-Leadership: Owning It Like You Own It. These concepts are not too far apart, which may be why I love what she’s trying to do.

And let’s face it, problems inherent in work are not going to be solved overnight.

On the other hand… based on what I know to be true, get this:

When it comes to the Self-Leadership aspect of The BOLDFactor and Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In… whatever YOU want to change in YOURSELF… you can most certainly change, sometimes overnight! I certainly have changed a few of my own *things* overnight and YOU CAN CHANGE YOURS TOO!

4) *Men are the reason Women are being held back from top positions, from leadership roles, from living the life we want, from being who and what we are capable of being…*

I’m calling BS on this.

I’m not turning this into a why-I-DON’T-blame-men rant, because I’ve decided I’m not joining that conversation. It’s OLD. I’d rather be BOLD. I sometimes think it’s more the women of my (boomer) generation that continue to fan these flames. Ugh. Enough already.

YES, there are plenty of men who are jerks and men who will not *let women in*. For sure. And you’re kidding yourself if you don’t believe there are also plenty of women who are jerks and who will not let women in. Boom. 

I get blasted when I say this, but I’m going to keep saying it: Guess What. Many Smart Women Do Not WANT (much less crave, which is the true BOLDometer for any real personal change) What Comes With That Corner Office.

Some Smart Women DO, and BRAVO YOU! because we need BOTH men and women at the top and every level in between. We’re all in this game of life together, and we certainly need each other to all be in this game of work, together.

BOLD! NUGGET: If you feel you are being held back by men (or women!) then dig deep, find the courage, and invite the conversation. Directly with that person.

You might learn a lot. You might come away even more disgusted, in which case, why are you still there?! And imagine this: you might come away having inspired someone else, opened their eyes, to a whole new way of seeing reality. How exciting is that?!

5) *Women are the ones who need to – and who will – fix this.* 

Not so fast.

When it comes to shifting and changing workplace realities, these issues and opportunities requires both men and women at the table, invited into and involved in, these important conversations. 

In summary re: Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In movement and launching her great concept of Leaning In Circles:

While I love the concept and believe in the possibilities of small groups of women gathering in conversation and encouragement, taking new, inspired action…

What I hope doesn’t happen is creating an even bigger divide, by sustaining women-only gatherings to solve workplace issues that desperately require BOTH men and women at the table, with all voices participating and heard. 

I applaud Sheryl Sandberg for shedding big light on this hugely important topic… and starting these controversial conversations.

The risk is already worth it!

What’s on your mind? Whether you’re passionate or new to this whole conversation… I hope you’ll let us know.

And by the way, thanks for stopping by! I’m glad you’re here!

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®1993-2013 Ann Ulrich    THE BOLD! FACTOR®     AnnUlrich.com

Photo:  There was never a doubt in my mind as to what my logo would be when I launched my own business. Having been forever marked-down by my teachers – in probably every grade – for overly-enthusiastic overuse of the !!! in my writing, reports, art… I colored one BOLD RED in 1993… and ever since use it to my heart’s content! (!!)