STOP. Just long enough to take in these 10 phrases extraordinary people say every day… as shared in this Inc.com article written by Inc. contributing author Jeff Haden.
BEAUTIFUL. POWERFUL. WE CAN ALL BE THE ONE TO POSITIVELY IMPACT OTHERS IN THIS SIMPLE YET PROFOUND WAY…. EVERYDAY!
GO. BE EXTRAORDINARY!
PS: Thank you for being here. WordPress sent a virtual trophy this week to celebrate my One Year Anniversary blogging with them (in my 20th year owning my business). <SMILE> Time flies… so don’t sleepwalk one minute through your precious life! (Naps are NOT sleepwalking) I appreciate you and love championing you to Lead YOUR Bigger, Bolder Life! Ann
______Here’s Jeff’s article: _________
Want to make a huge difference in someone’s life? Here are things you should say every day to your employees, colleagues, family members, friends, and everyone you care about:
“Here’s what I’m thinking.”
You’re in charge, but that doesn’t mean you’re smarter, savvier, or more insightful than everyone else. Back up your statements and decisions. Give reasons. Justify with logic, not with position or authority.
Though taking the time to explain your decisions opens those decisions up to discussion or criticism, it also opens up your decisions to improvement.
Authority can make you “right,” but collaboration makes everyone right–and makes everyone pull together.
“I was wrong.”
I once came up with what I thought was an awesome plan to improve overall productivity by moving a crew to a different shift on an open production line. The inconvenience to the crew was considerable, but the payoff seemed worth it. On paper, it was perfect.
In practice, it wasn’t.
So, a few weeks later, I met with the crew and said, “I know you didn’t think this would work, and you were right. I was wrong. Let’s move you back to your original shift.”
I felt terrible. I felt stupid. I was sure I’d lost any respect they had for me.
It turns out I was wrong about that, too. Later one employee said, “I didn’t really know you, but the fact you were willing to admit you were wrong told me everything I needed to know.”
When you’re wrong, say you’re wrong. You won’t lose respect–you’ll gain it.
“That was awesome.”
No one gets enough praise. No one. Pick someone–pick anyone–who does or did something well and say, “Wow, that was great how you…”
And feel free to go back in time. Saying “Earlier, I was thinking about how you handled that employee issue last month…” can make just as positive an impact today as it would have then. (It could even make a bigger impact, because it shows you still remember what happened last month, and you still think about it.)
Praise is a gift that costs the giver nothing but is priceless to the recipient. Start praising. The people around you will love you for it–and you’ll like yourself a little better, too.
Think about a time you gave a gift and the recipient seemed uncomfortable or awkward. Their reaction took away a little of the fun for you, right?
The same thing can happen when you are thanked or complimented or praised. Don’t spoil the moment or the fun for the other person. The spotlight may make you feel uneasy or insecure, but all you have to do is make eye contact and say, “Thank you.” Or make eye contact and say, “You’re welcome. I was glad to do it.”
Don’t let thanks, congratulations, or praise be all about you. Make it about the other person, too.
“Can you help me?”
When you need help, regardless of the type of help you need or the person you need it from, just say, sincerely and humbly, “Can you help me?”
I promise you’ll get help. And in the process you’ll show vulnerability, respect, and a willingness to listen–which, by the way, are all qualities of a great leader.
And are all qualities of a great friend.
We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, show support…
Say you’re sorry.
But never follow an apology with a disclaimer like “But I was really mad, because…” or “But I did think you were…” or any statement that in any way places even the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.
Say you’re sorry, say why you’re sorry, and take all the blame. No less. No more.
Then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts.
“Can you show me?”
Advice is temporary; knowledge is forever. Knowing what to do helps, but knowing how or why to do it means everything.
When you ask to be taught or shown, several things happen: You implicitly show you respect the person giving the advice; you show you trust his or her experience, skill, and insight; and you get to better assess the value of the advice.
Don’t just ask for input. Ask to be taught or trained or shown.
Then you both win.
“Let me give you a hand.”
Many people see asking for help as a sign of weakness. So, many people hesitate to ask for help.
But everyone needs help.
Don’t just say, “Is there anything I can help you with?” Most people will give you a version of the reflexive “No, I’m just looking” reply to sales clerks and say, “No, I’m all right.”
Be specific. Find something you can help with. Say “I’ve got a few minutes. Can I help you finish that?” Offer in a way that feels collaborative, not patronizing or gratuitous. Model the behavior you want your employees to display.
Then actually roll up your sleeves and help.
“I love you.”
No, not at work, but everywhere you mean it–and every time you feel it.
Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. If you’re upset, frustrated, or angry, stay quiet. You may think venting will make you feel better, but it never does.
That’s especially true where your employees are concerned. Results come and go, but feelings are forever. Criticize an employee in a group setting and it will seem like he eventually got over it, but inside, he never will.
Before you speak, spend more time considering how employees will think and feel than you do evaluating whether the decision makes objective sense. You can easily recover from a mistake made because of faulty data or inaccurate projections.
You’ll never recover from the damage you inflict on an employee’s self-esteem.
Be quiet until you know exactly what to say–and exactly what affect your words will have.
– Article written by Jeff Haden, posted on Inc.com 1/9/13. I pizzazz’d it up a bit with my BOLD red and italics – then visited Jeff’s Blackbirdinc.com and smiled to see same colors!
©1993-2013 Ann Ulrich, THE BOLD! FACTOR® AnnUlrich.com
Photo: LOVE my bracelet purchase at Zonta Int’l event. Handmade by women of Breaking Free, a global org investing profits from jewelry sales to fund women’s business dreams.
So simple but so hard to do sometimes..print it and leave it in plain sight at home and your office.
You’re so welcome Jeri,
Great point: Just because these words are simple doesn’t mean this is easy to do… that’s for sure!
I LOVE your idea of printing out to keep these available – and soon hopefully they become practiced into our conversations as a good habit as phrases we regularly use.
The one I am working on is the last. I often have a hard time saying nothing! Especially when NOTHING can be EVERYTHING in terms of the best response at that time. This one’s is a challenge for me.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to share your thoughts Jeri… hope you have a terrific weekend!
Oh wow! I love all of this. Each and every word!!!
Wow Natalie, so glad you do!
Super Curious: If you had to pick just ONE as your most favorite… Which One? and Why?
The last one, “Nothing” is definitely the one that hits home. Instead of reacting quickly… I’d like to say nothing in the moment and give myself time to think rationally. Then, I’ll have time to ponder if it’s even something worth worrying/ thinking about.
I also like the comment about accepting compliments. Sometimes I become embarrassed and excuse a person’s compliment. I often act uncomfortable, as if I don’t deserve it. I’ll definitely say a confident “Thank you!” next time, instead of spoiling the moment. :)
Wow. I’ve read your reply a couple times… from *saying nothing as giving time to ponder if it’s even something worth worrying/thinking about*… and the thought to *confidently say Thank You! instead of spoiling a moment*…
To echo your earlier words, Natalie:
WOW. I love all of this. Each and every word!!!
Hi Ann, I’m honored you re-posted my article. Thanks for the compliment and for introducing me to your community of extraordinary people. Jeff
You know what I love about your work, Jeff? The wisdom in your words. Simple, simply refreshing, and refreshingly implement-now.
Thanks for stopping by…(SMILE)…keep inspiring with your great work!!